A not very timely note

This was a blog I once wrote during my high school and early college years. I keep it around for nostalgic purposes, but it is quite obviously no longer updated. I am looking to make a more professional blog presence in the future, but I still like to look at where I was mentally at certain points in time.

- G. Jan 2013

Tuesday, September 29, 2009


I'm a walking case file. Somewhere in some tired psychologist's office, there's a file with my name and a giant label: ADHD. Yes, the file is imaginary. The feeling that my mind's cross hairs are all over the place isn't. Oh how I envy those who can carve a make believe box out of thin air and put themselves in it, with only them and the object of their efforts. Is this some kind of challenge? Even having the end in mind, would I succumb to the day by day beat down, or clamp down on the steering wheel hard enough to stop my thoughts from spiraling into the most random stuff this side of Wonderland? Look, I even caught myself red handed right on this very moment, writing a post instead of studying the words of a third edition textbook (fork over another $100 for an extra chapter eh?). Sometimes I would even feel ashamed of my inability to focus. It's like a fire that roars for a few seconds, then gets doused by a blast of ash. Surrounded by a flurry of worries and doubt, and even make believe issues, how do we just simply focus? Comment away.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Middle-Men - A Random Burst of Inspiration, Written by Sir

Hey, there. Been a while, huh? Yeah. Well, I’m not gonna promise any surge in my article posting, and I really hope you don’t expect anything, because me actually working on something straight is quite a feat.
I’m just saying this so you don’t get disappointed if you only see me again in a year :).

Anyways, back to the inspiration! (Because if I don’t write this down right now, I might just lose it again).

So, most of you have heard of a middle-man, right? Be it drugs, business or other dealings, middle-men are people who connect two parties, so that they do not need to compromise their identities or to facilitate exchanges. As such, they come in pretty handy, right?But that’s not the only type of middle-men you might come across.

Do you :

=-Really appreciate George’s company, but you’re not really sure about his seriousness in work?

=-Like Bobby’s enthusiasm, but are dismayed by the amount of epic failures in his life?

=-Enjoy the large quantity of inside jokes you share with Karl, although he’s kind of really obnoxious at times?

=-Find that the experiences you shared with Johnny or Mark were very good ones, and that you may know them better than the others because of that, yet you can’t bring yourself to be more than a decent friend, even though you know them well?

If so, you might be the middle-man. Don’t get me wrong, you don’t have to follow these points perfectly to be a middle-man, or even if you do, it doesn’t mean you necessarily are one. This is just an example set out to give you a basis on which to *mildly* rely.

I can already hear you guys :
“But, do explain, kind sir, what your point is in all this rambling!”

Right away, then! As with most of my posts, there is no real point. Only trying to make you realize something : If you keep wondering why you don’t fit in with most people, why you’re sometimes seen as the crowd pleaser although people usually don’t see you shine a lot or even just if you can’t seem to pick a best friend, this might be the reason. You’re the balanced person, the pillar on which they connect. You might have noticed your friends don’t have a lot of common traits, while you share your lot with most of them.

Doesn’t it make sense, then, that you are the one that “brought the group together”, somewhat? Maybe not literally, but if you’re the guy that keeps helping other people out in whatever way you can, while not really giving it your, ever, this position might describe you.

If I’m not wrong, you’re the guy who separately understands some or most of your friends, while still not really knowing them.

I’m writing this because of a burst of imagination, and I’m not sure if all of this is true or not, but consider this as the life experience progression of a teenage soul, swimming in a pool of daily epic wins, awesomeness, drama, and whatnot.

Your opinions, comments, or just random keyboard-bashing with your fists are all welcome, here.

Until inspiration strikes again!

Monday, September 21, 2009

The Summit

Let's talk about a summit. The top of the mountain. The crest of a wave. Lumbering a giant ball of worry and stress over a hill. We all have that one point. A point that could dictate just about everything. Now this point, it's ageless. It doesn't magically happen when you turn eighteen, or get arrested for public intoxication, or sign a contract to the Man. You see, there are two sides to this mountain. One side is your life as ruled by your circumstances. The other side is truth, who you actually are; where you and I don't have to daydream about how things could be any longer. Now that other side of the mountain, it's sweet; isn't it? I almost feel myself being wrapped in a cocoon of that Dove chocolate just thinking about it. Now while we want to take the best, neglected parts of ourselves out of cold storage... damn! We've got company. Obstacles and Doubt at 12 0'clock.

So chief;
you want to be happy? Great! Just climb up this mountain, and ride down a river of Dos Equis to a heavenly valley below. But I may be stretching the truth a bit. It's not an utopia your trying to get to here. It's harmony. We've all got ambition. Some go to college, some get jobs, some just say to hell with it and try to give their one shot to their dream. But how many of us can honestly say without a tinge of regret that we are doing what we want to do in life? I can honestly say that a few years ago I wouldn't have imagined myself being where I am; I bet a lot of you could say the same. Yet there are so many obstacles. There's one I want to really focus on though. Sure, you've got your life circumstances, health, money, parents, lifestyle, religion; the list of excuses and reasons can last longer than Stride Gum. But how about Illusion? Escape? Our overextended stays in Dream Land are not doing us any favors.

I'll be the first
to say that I dream a lot. I don't want to admit to myself that I have no idea of what I'm doing in life. With daily news that should come with a hefty dose of Xanax... that ain't helping. So a tactical retreat into the safe confines of our mind, it provides the temporary Band-Aid we need. But the idea of slapping mental Band-Aids onto chronic life woes is just not appealing. We could go through our whole lives only being ourselves and only doing what we really wanted to do in our own heads. It's not hard to believe. Mental escapes prevent us from facing that mountain summit... kinda like House and his pain meds. It's nice to live in dreams, but you can't climb a mountain half asleep.

So we've circled back. What do you think we should do? That point of radical change is vital; some reach their point and decide that they want to fly. Some can't take the pressure of reality and gravity pummels them back to earth with an invisible fist. But what is life? Maybe to you it's just a series of moments. To some it's a highly organized machine of schedules and appointments. For the ones sitting in desolate rooms watching time slowly pass on a clock, life is a countdown. But
life can be anything. It's all relative, isn't it? We'll spend a long time trying to find out who we are, but maybe we already know. And maybe, just maybe, we know that things aren't going the way we imagined. What's the only issue here? Can you fight past the circumstances of your life? Can you wake up and trade the fake security of dreams for a golden feeling of happiness that so few get to have? That's the only question. Can you and I make the leap, and get over that mountain?

Thursday, September 3, 2009

"The Greatest Fear"

Fear is scientifically defined as a chemical based response to a threat. When you think of fear, the classics appear; monsters, spiders, the dark, heights. Then there are fears that you can feel, but can never really detect. They go beyond the physical; they exist only in your mind's eye. Our dreams and life's reality are in a constant state of change. This inner conflict is invisible; a slow paced chess game. But you know, part of the problem that comes with over thinking is that you tend to go over every possible scenario, regardless of it's logic. My greatest fear? That I won't even begin to uncover the question of why I'm here. That I could quite possibly be nothing but an anomaly of nature with no real purpose. Little questions like these that continue to gnaw on my soul far after I stopped sleeping with a nightlight. How can a question be a fear? It's not the question itself, it's the process of attempting to answer them with the limited time and resources we have. Then again, only a person with manic neurons in his head like myself would think so much about this that I would go to this conclusion. Anyway, what do you think your greatest fear is, and are fears like the ones I stated just a result of over thinking, or are they valid?