Sir's Random Dashes of Inspiration - Fromager's Tribulations (Part 5)

Oh my god, guys! It's the last part! Hopefully you've read this from the beginning (I'm quite amazed that you haven't died from a heart attack yet, zorlone) and you'll enjoy this... uh... "creative" ending.

Our friends then entered Patrick’s room… “What are you doing in my room?!?” asked the latter, in his grinding voice, while he threw the piece of cheddar he was nibbling on in a basket made of cheese.”We’ve come to end your reign of tyranny and cheesiness, Patrick!” replied Jordan. ”That’s right, you fat, evil man!” added John quite obnoxiously. So our heroes and our antagonist clashed in a mighty battle… which lasted 20 seconds. As fat and slow as Patrick was, he only managed to crawl over to John’s foot and let his floppy arms fall upon it, inflicting minor bruises to himself, as Jordan was reciting a magical spell and John was cowering before Patrick’s mighty blubber. As soon as the spell was ready, Jordan let loose his inner might. A flash of light occurred and all you could then see was a giant scissor-shaped angel with a mighty hammer. It was Jordon, the true form of Jordan! The mighty, heavenly scissorsmith. His hammer descended upon Patrick’s frightened face and hit his hat really softly. Millions of tiny scissorlings exited the head of the hammer and proceeded to trim Patrick’s scraggly beard into friendly mutton chops. Cut off from his beard, and thus from his power, Patrick fell in a coma.

Many thanks yet again to our anonymous Googled Benefactor.

Sir's Random Dashes of Inspiration - Fromager's Tribulations (Part 4)

Sorry for being so late! Don't really have an excuse except my crappy memory.
On to the story! (Now with 35% more magic and awesome!)

When they arrived in front of the gigantic, black, and crooked tower, they could just gasp, awed by its awesomeness. Of course, it was imposing, but not too imposing for our heroes, who proceeded to enter it. As they entered, they could see the multitude of traps laid there for visitors. After a couple of hours, traps, fake pennies and little cuts, our friends got through. Of course, there just had to be a big magical door blocking the way at the end.
“What are the magical words?” asked the door.
John proceeded to reply: “Err… please and thank you?”As John was contemplating the sense of his answers, the door threw a bunch of rocks (Hey, it’s a magical door, remember?) at our heroes. John quickly proceeded to fall face-first on the floor, to avoid his rock as Jordan round-house kicked the rest to oblivion.All except one… The One Rock To Rule Them All. Except it just kept going and killed the janitor that was looking at the scene.”No, you moron! It’s open sesame!” yelled Jordan.
The door opened, but not before it could throw another rock at John’s manhood (Don’t worry, he also has a magically enhanced jock-strap).

Thank you, anonymous googled benefactor, for this piece of awesome.

Sir's Random Dashes of Inspiration - Fromager's Tribulations (Part 3)

As he arrived in the fields, John could see armies, wait, what am I saying? He could see hordes of mice running towards a far away building with cheese on their backs! It was obvious John should act… at least to feed himself. So he decided to take a stick and poke a mouse with it. Of course, his results hurt the mouse and got him all the attention in the world. As soon as he did so, the mouse released a piercing howl (don’t ask me how it did it), which alerted every other mice in a large radius. The mice were all looking at John, and John was looking at the mice, as Jordan was looking at the sky’s pale blue color. Suddenly, the mice started attacking John, who threw Jordan at them in desperate defence. Before he could even realize it, all the mice were laying flat. “How did you do that?” asked he Jordan.
- Eh, well, a magical pair of scissors has its benefits…
- Whatever you say…
Our heroes then crossed the field…

This one's also from Google.

Sir's Random Dashes of Inspiration - Fromager's Tribulations (Part 2)

As he stepped outside of his house, John saw an old lady stuck under a horse. Intrigued by the elder’s position, he decided to go and help her, after hearing her pleading: “Help! Help me! You look strong, young man, please come on over and get this horse off of me!”. As John was a brave, young man, he lifted the fallen horse with his strong arms, thus freeing the old lady. “Thank you, mighty hero!” she said. “It is now my duty to help you back… See that field over there? And that little spot in the distance? That’s Patrick’s tower… You should find him there.”
- Alright… but, how did you get under that horse…?
- Ugh… long story. Well, I was going through the city with my son, when the horse got scared and ran away… of course it didn’t take long for it to fall over me. My son, as the coward he is, preferred to flee and leave me to die.
- Uh… hold on a second… grandma, is that you? You know, dad told you like 5 days ago that this horse was a fake… look, it’s made of linen and yarn!
- Oh… right… well… Get out of my way, brigand!

And thus his grandmother ran away. But, she managed to doodle something for him before going on her senile rampage! John picked the map and made his way towards the fields of impending-immediate-and-not-so-far-away doom.


This one was taken from Google.

Sir's Random Dashes of Inspiration - Fromager's Tribulations (Part 1)

Oh golly, another witty story from Sir? What a bunch of privileged readers you are!

Ah, but enough modesty, on to the reading of the beginning of this cheesy (you'll get the bad pun soon enough) adventure!

Once upon a time, in the little town of Fromager, whose principal economical activity was the exportation of cheese lived happy people. Alas, an evil wizard named Patrick decided to command all the mice to take the cheese to his crooked, black tower, for he was hungry. So the mice obeyed to the fat, evil and ugly slob. Little did they know an alert John decided to go down to his cellar that day…

As John descended into his cellar, he slowly took note of the shortage of cheese that was afflicting it. Of course, he went up to his father and directly asked him: “Father, where is the cheese?”
- Well, son, an evil wizard named Patrick decided to take it all to his tower, and eat it for himself!
- But… That’s mean! I mean, how are we supposed to make a living?
- Yes, but you are brave, and I have magical scissors imbued with the power of speech, which are called Jordan, that I will hand down to you this right instant.
And at that moment, John’s father handed him Jordan, the magical scissors.“Go, go, my son, and take our cheese back!” yelled the old man.

On these words, John went on a magical adventure to save Fromager’s economical situation.

Wow! Lucky you, you even got a piece of ORIGINAL ART!
Gotta love bad drawing skills, oh yes.
Credit for the drawing goes to a friend of mine and another guy, as well as me.